Attaining and Maintaining Peace in the Family

 

The home as a haven for couples

The family is ideally a place of rest and succor. After facing the challenges of the society as we go about our daily activities, it’s expected that one comes home to peace and tranquility. Where your ruffled ego is calmed, your shaken faith in yourself restored, your depleted vigor energized, your confusion on what is happening to you cleared and your downcast mood lifted.

Peace is very essential to our optimal existence, for it affects both the body and soul. Where peace is lacking the soul is often troubled and if prolonged begins to adversely affect the health of body. Marriage is ordered towards the good of the spouses according to the Code of Canon Law (canon 1055,par,1), therefore spouses should make every effort to live in peace. For families to be at peace, the couples must have established it between themselves.

Hebrew 12:14 “Make every effort to live in peace with (your spouse) everyone and to be holy, without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one (not even your spouse, emphasis mine) falls short of  the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile (both of you) many.

Attaining peace

In my country most families store water in big plastic tanks with tap connected below to draw water as the need arises. Where the tank is not filled with water, on turning the tap open no water will flow. Therefore, we need to fill our soul with peace for us to be able to dispense peace.  Firstly we must be at peace with God, Col 1;19-20 “For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in Christ, and through him to reconcile to himself all things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross”.  Anytime we approach God asking for forgiveness and cleansing with the blood of Jesus, we are forgiven and have peace with Him. This peace stays in your heart, John 14; 27, and you are able to give it to others as the need arises.

Maintaining peace in you

When a seed is sown and germinates, you nurture and take care of it for proper growth. The peace you have received has to be nurtured too.  You must learn to read the word of God so you know what he wants you to and not to do. You need to also learn to trust his word and direction, with that your peace will grow in leaps. Isaiah 26:3 says, “You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is trusted in You”. As you trust God by living the way He wants you to, your attitude to people and issues will begin to change.  You will notice a conscious peaceful disposition to your loved ones and others.

Sharing the peace in you

Jesus assures us in John 7:38, “Whoever believes in me … rivers of living water will flow from within them”. Through your reconciliation with God, His Spirit leads you to maintain an attitude of peace in your marriage.  Consider the situation in Luke 9:52-56, where Jesus and his disciples were going to Jerusalem and wanted to pass through a Samaritan town but they were refused. The disciples wanted to confront them, maybe fight to proof they were equal to the task. Therefore, they asked Jesus to allow them call down fire upon them to show those insolent people what they are capable of doing. You see, their approach might fetch them what they wanted but, discord, enmity and even hatred would have been sown. However, Jesus’ approach was to allow ignore the insult and look for another alternative to get to Jerusalem, which is his target.

In your marriage be always aware of what you want to achieve or get from your spouse at each point in time, then work towards it. Do not be misled by any negative vibes from them, concentrate on your good intentions.  When they display difficult attitudes ask the Holy Spirit to show you another way to approach the issue for positive results and He will lead you beside still waters (Ps 23:2). Be ready to follow His leading no matter how belittling it might seem to you. Remember He gives perfect peace to those who trust in him, Isaiah 26:3. Alleluia!

Overcoming diversities in marriage: God's way.

 The success of any event or program in life depends to a very large extent on the level of preparedness. Before we embark on any worthwhile activity we usually spend a lot of time getting ready.

The same goes for marriage. Intending couples should be able to know what marriage entails and this knowledge will help them to be forearmed. People get married to non siblings and so, a lot of differences in way of life, reasoning, attitudes, likes and dislikes etc. should be expected. There's even no guarantee that siblings will live harmoniously together. We have witnessed frictions, malice and even hatred among siblings.

It has been said that marriage should be best seen as the integration of two histories instead of two people. Nothing can be short of this truth. If intending or married couples bear this in mind they will be more tolerant and understanding of their spouses.

When Chisom newly got married their preferences for their local soups were very different. Chisom came from a family that loves Egusi soup almost to the exclusion of others, while Emeka came from a background that adores Onugbu soup. Chisom, found it difficult to cook delicious Onugbu soups to Emeka's liking and whenever she insists on cooking the Egusi she knows how to cook perfectly, the husband was not happy. After some months into their marriage, she noticed that the soup issue was about causing subtle division between them. She went ahead and asked her husband's sister to teach her how to cook the Onugbu soup to his liking. Within some weeks, she was able to cook the soup to Emeka's taste. Recalling the incident she noted that her willingness to learn from his sister really made a deep impression on him. Now, after some years, he started enjoying eating Egusi soup with her while she also enjoys his Onugbu soup!

 In marriage each partner should bear in mind that they are coming together with each carrying their own different background, experiences, hurts, pains, joys, beliefs, mindsets and so on, all bundled up in that cute lady or handsome guy you married. Remember, how old you and your spouse are represent the number of years you both have been living with your histories and dispositions. Therefore, you might have lived 25 or 30 years of your life in certain ways and so it is with your spouse. You don't honestly expect them to change to your liking overnight. Old habits, they say, die hard. You need to be realistic.

Marriage therefore, is a coming together of two cultures, beliefs, morals, values, attitudes and even spiritual dispositions. So, the important mindset should be; what you marrying and not who you are marrying. When you agree to marry a person, you decide to consciously and loving accommodate them and their history while working towards helping them to be better. Because, according to the Code of Canon Law, canon 1055,par.1, "the matrimonial covenant, by which a man and woman establish between themselves a partnership for the whole of life, is by its nature ordered towards the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring". 

During the Christian Marriage Rites, both receive the grace to overcome their differences and live in peace and harmony even with their diversities. The Word of God assures us in 1Cor 12:9. "my grace is sufficient for you", because its the Word of God that is infallible you need to believe it just as it is. If you are gifted an iPhone and you never made use of it, how can you claim its not working? Many Christians fail to seek God's direction on how to approach their differences in marriage. Our Lord affirms that when we seek, wee shall find Matt7:7. So, go ahead and seek how to overcome your differences and you shall find ways, Alleluia!