MARRIAGE: A MISSION TO LOVE

 

Marriage as we see it today is dancing to a drum beat that is scary. Some people believe they will only put up with what is convenient for them. Each party wants it their own way without consideration to the feeling or needs of the other.

Marriage before the 1990s

In my locality those were times of old school unions where you find married couples that have the master-servant relationship. The husband lords it over the wife and children while the wife is merely an upgraded housemaid. Those relationships were maintained “until death do them part”, even though it took a heavy toll on both the husband and wife in the long run. The husband ends up not having any soul mate attachment with the wife. As they grow older the gap between them widens as the woman begins to travel from one place to another for the traditional omugwo (when she goes to help out at her female children’s home if they put to bed) which she tends to prolong in order to relax and enjoy herself for some time as it were. As the wife sees their children become financially stable she gradually transforms into an independent woman and begins to challenge the now weaker husband. This scenario has played out in so many families that at the end some wives end up setting the children against the husband, thereby making life miserable for him in his old age. She feels it’s payback time. Those years we had longer lasting marriages but they were not in conformity with God’s idea of marriage.

Marriage in current years

There is a swift shift in how married couples see marriage today. Today’s husbands believe that older years are for the women to enjoy companionship with their children, so they go all out to satisfy themselves with all that they fancy without a thought to the feelings of their wives. The wives on their part enter into marriage with the mindset to fight against any move to make them upgraded house helps or relegate them to the background. This attitude now gives way to misinterpretation of some good intentions thereby leading to frequent quarrels and at times demand for divorce.  This current attitude also does not represent God’s idea of marriage.

Marriage is a mission to love

Christian marriage is a call to show the love of God in us to our spouse and others. God loves us unconditionally, and expects us to do likewise, Jesus said we should learn from him that he is meek and -humble of heart Matt 11:29. To show love is not a warm, sweet feeling but an intentional choice making to care for the needs of your spouse. If you only do what’s convenient for you in marriage it tends towards self-love. In 1 Cor. 13:4-8, the Bible teaches us how to love according to God’s way in our marriage for long lasting affection and companionship. You have to intentionally show patience, kindness, honor, forgiveness and tolerant to your mate. You don’t keep telling them I love you but when they do things wrong, you tongue lash them. That in itself doesn’t communicate, ‘I love you’ to them. However, if you gently ask them what went wrong with an air of wanting to help out, they are more likely to feel cared for and loved. Think of ways you can show love to your spouse and determine to follow it through, you will see a warmer relationship between you two. Alleluia!